There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
