Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
