it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
