well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
