all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
