What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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