Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
