Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
