at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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