Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
