Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
