No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
