Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
