Having a random hookup so left but love u
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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