I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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