i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
