SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
