Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
