Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
