It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
