i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
