can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
