The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
