Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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