Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
