Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm passing your future prison.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
