smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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