I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smell my finger.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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