Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
