is your mom at the bar?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
