You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
