that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
this hospital has no fireball
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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