We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
