ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
