didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
