If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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