So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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