ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
too bad you live with your parents still
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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