At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wear drunk well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
