just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
