just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
