And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sober January is a disaster.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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