listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is classic penis vs brain.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Randomize
