Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
