I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
