Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
