i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
