he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
