Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
