just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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