thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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